And the costume party
by x404notfoundx
Summary: When a friend from Caroline's past comes to the diner the girls have to dress-up more than cupcakes.


Hey there. I wrote another! You can check out my other one I posted "And the illegal cable." I just like to imitate the genius that is Whitney Cummings even though I don't come close. I mean it can go either way...get it…right now I'm just going to write. This fic/whatever the hell guest star's the incomparable Ru Paul. I mean who doesn't love that guy.

-And the costume party-

The scene opens with Caroline standing in front of an old married couple looking over their menus. She is her usual perky self trying, unlike her co-worker Max, her best to remain cordial.

"Okay, you guys ready to order?"

"I'm not sure if I see anything good here." The older lady says, scrunching up her face at the menu. Her demeanor is giving off a very grumpy old woman vibe. She pushes her glasses to the brim of her nose and peers over them at Caroline. The older gentleman however is smiling from ear to ear.

"You know you remind me of an old friend of mine Lucy. Lucy was a knockout, tall blonde and beautiful." He stops to admire Caroline's lovely physique and unfailing beauty. "I tell you what, you order something for me hun' because I'm sure it will be delicious."

Caroline of course gives him a very toothy grin and places a hand on his shoulder. She was relieved that someone so nice had finally come into the diner. And the compliment kind of made her day.

"How sweet! I'll get you a burger some fries and the desert's on me!"

The older lady stands and removes her glasses scowling at Caroline. "Like hell it will!" She says, her face reddening up a bit.

Caroline jumps back equal parts confused and surprised. Instead of going off the deep end it's simply Caroline's nature to try to defuse a situation first. "Whoa, ma'am I think there must be some kind of mistake…"

"The only mistake that can possibly be made is if you put your hand on my husband again. Slut!"

Max emerges from the back after hearing the ruckus coming from the dining area. She rushes over to Caroline but Caroline raises a hand for her to stop and she stands back with an amused look on her face.

"First off you are seriously over reacting. Second I mean c'mon can you blame the guy?" She says stepping back to pose slightly in her uniform. "Third…" Caroline waves a hand over his head and frowns. "Not even if solved world hunger...so you ready to order or what?"

"Not from you I demand a new waitress."

Max jumps in the back ground like an anxious school child eager to answer a question. Caroline shakes her head at the lady knowing that she just went from bad to worse. Caroline walks over to Max and as they walk past each other they tag each other's hands as if they were in some kind of tag team match-up. Max is already smirking as she stands in front of the couple.

"What can I get you? Wait don't answer that I already have the answer is it a new hip bone and some celebrex? Maybe you'd like a side of POISE with that." Max waits for a reply with a sly grin.

"The service here is atrocious – "

Max cuts her off by holding up a hand in her direction. "Listen 'the lady from sit and be fit', I don't have time to go back and forth with you. In fact, neither of you have the time because I'm pretty sure your matching his and hers funeral plots are just screaming your names. So I'll order for you, you can have the spaghetti and meatballs. Because I'm pretty sure you haven't seen a hard noodle and a pair of firm balls in a LONG time."

No longer able to take the abuse the woman rises from her seat and snatches her things heading directly for the door. The older man writes something on a napkin and slides it over to Max.

"Tell the blonde to call me" He makes a phone sign towards Caroline and makes his way over to the exit to join his wife.

After they leave Caroline walks over to Max and Max hands her the napkin. Caroline takes the napkin and raises an eyebrow in question.

"What's this for?"

"Oh nothing but I'm totally jealous of you right now…"

"Wait is this that old guys number? Why would you be jealous?"

"Because you get to bang the guy from UP."

Han Lee walks from his office with Oleg hot on his heels. Max and Caroline are carrying out there waitress duties while Earl is busy plugging his latest CD to every customer willing to stop and listen. The two seem to be locked in a heated discussion.

"Why can't we add traditional Ukrainian dish to diner menu huh', not only is it delicious it also adds diversity." Oleg says in his heavy Ukrainian accent. He folds his arms across his chest eyeing the much smaller man.

Han not to be intimidated by the man's stature folds his arms across his chest and lifts up on his tip toes to speak to him directly.

"Menu is fine. We do not need another dish you have hard time keeping up with the items we already offer." He retorts, his twang resonating with each word.

"You know _tiny man_ I was working in this diner when you were a twinkle in your father's testicles so I think I know what works for the diner and what doesn't."

"Well _shrek_ if you put more time into your cooking maybe I could trust you with something new on menu, besides that item will not work under your…marketing."

The two men continue to bicker until Max looks up and rolls her eyes sighing. She finishes up with a customer and makes her way over to them grabbing both their arms. She pulls them to the back of the diner near the freezer and sighs holding them on either side of her at arm's length.

"First off I'll need Google translations to figure out what this is all about and you two are making a scene in front of our customers. And let me tell you something if they are eating here the last thing they need is more drama in their lives."

Han interjects pointing his finger indignantly at Oleg.

"This furry man is up in arms because I won't add new food product, we don't need new product and insulting your boss isn't the best bargaining tool!"

"Well insulting the man who cooks your lunch isn't such a bright idea either, seriously one hundred thousand sperm and you swim the fastest? I'm surprised you made it with those infant like limbs!"

The two step towards each other but Max slightly pushes them back and shakes her head.

"Whats the dish Oleg?"

"Spicy Kielbasa."

Max looks at Han and frowns up at him. "What gives Han you're always preaching diversity?"

"Okay I admit a new item would be fine it's not the food that disturbs me Max, it is name of food he wants to use. If he changes the name he can start serving it today."

"The name Oleg?"

"I will not compromise my integrity as an artist to fit his cookie-cutter vanilla idea of a name."

"The name man!"

"Big Ukrainian Sausage." He says the name with such pride and even does a slight thrust with his waist. "Tag line…Bite me."

Max looks disgusted and Han points towards Oleg, pleading with Max to make sense of that through gesture. Caroline pops in and joins the fray. She stands beside Max having over heard the entire conversation through the door.

"You guys I think the customers can pretty much hear everything your saying. Besides isn't German sausage the wurst."

She looks from Max to Oleg to Han laughing at her own juvenile joke. Every one of them look at her like shes lost it and she nervously runs a hand through her blonde hair. Max points to all three of them and deadpans. "Ladies and gentleman the three stooges."

She goes to the freezer and grabs a pie then passes them all up on her way to the dining area. "Oleg drop the name, Han serve the dish, Caroline….stay away from all amateur comedy nights…all of them."

Max opens the door and places the pie in the desert area when a soft voice is heard at the far end of the counter.

"I'll take some of that spicy sausage."

Max slowly turns to see a very pretty, shapely African American woman. Her dress is very casual but something seems different about her. On closer inspection she is a…he.

"Oh, really, like I needed this today." Max says, looking up at the sky for a brief moment.

Caroline comes from the back and of course is met by the tall gorgeous drag queen.

"Sharon?"

"C-line?"

"C-line? Sharon?" Max says, confused now more than ever.

Both immediately embrace and Max still stands confused. Caroline grabs Sharon's hand and leads her over to Max. Max grabs a rag and tosses it over her shoulder.

"Max-Sharon, Sharon-Max."

Sharon extends her hand and they both shake while Max grimaces at the strength of her handshake.

"Nice kung-fu grip G.I Joe...Jane."

Sharon laughs and looks Max from head to toe. "This one's got a mind like a steel trap…rusty and illegal in 37 states."

Sharon laughs and smoothes out her outfit. "But seriously you look like pizza makes it to your home before the police do."

Max squints her eyes and grins slightly. "I like her."

Max wanders off to attend to the diner while Caroline and Sharon catch up at the bar.

"Oh C honey what's going on…I heard about what happened how you holding up?"

"Taking it day by day you know Max has been my world, and the diner. It sucks to think that I could have probably bought them and the diner a few months ago but I'm coming into my won Shar. It feels good."

"Well I always knew you'd land on your feet, me I'm doing okay I guess remember Mike."

"Yeah Mike, weren't you guys practically married."

"Yes girl, he left me for a younger model…and unlike you I landed on my back if you catch my drift."

Caroline laughs at the innuendo and continues. "Well good men are hard to find."

"Oh no C-line a hard man is good to find."

They both share a laugh and Sharon spot's the cupcakes on the counter.

"Well anyway I'm throwing a party to celebrate my new found freedom, wish I could get some of those cupcakes for the occasion."

"Well you are in luck! Me and my partner Max make and sell those delicious baked goods from our apartment."

"Partners?"

Caroline fidgets and waves her hands frantically to clear up the air. "I mean…she's my…we make..."

"Love…its 2012, I mean given the timeline you 'u-hauled' her pretty quick but I understand….get in where you fit in."

Sharon smiles devilishly and let's out an equivalent laugh. Caroline's face flushes a bit but she quickly recovers to explain.

"No were not 'partners' Shar, were business partners. We make and sell her cupcakes and we've made a pretty decent profit."

"Awesome. Well I need four dozen of them and make them look as wild as you can."

"I'm sure Max will have a field day with this one."

"Well drop them by I'll text you the address and be prepared…"

They both share a hug and Sharon begins to make her way towards the diner exit.

"For what?"

Sharon stops and strikes her best top model pose.

"To gag on my eleganza!"

She finally exits and Max steps near Caroline while Oleg pops his head out of the cooking station. Earl jumps from his booth and makes his way over.

"Ooooo-weeee, I just met the prettiest tallest glass of water." Earl says in his cat daddy type manner of speaking. "She gave me her number and I think she must be from Ireland because something on me is Dublin."

Caroline and Max look at each other in confusion and Oleg chimes in to cut through the awkwardness with his own pokerfaced comment.

"She has balls."

The girls are seen in their apartment both working hard to get the order for Sharon knocked out for her party. Caroline is prepping the baking dishes while Max is making her semi-homemade cupcake batter.

"This is big Max, Sharon's well connected I'm sure she can pass our name along if we do an exceptional job on this batch."

Max grins not looking up from her stirring. "Whatever you say C-line."

"Sharon and I used to rule these streets. She's dressed stars, socialites think of what she can do for our business."

Max ignores her comment about the business and continues to insult her old nickname. "C-line…" She scoffs. "Sounds like a horrible underground rapper."

"I mean not only are we getting paid were practically getting free advertising."

"Sounds like a debauch and corrupt oil company that kills baby seagulls."

"Think of the clientele!"

"Sounds like a used yacht."

"Max can you focus this is only a huge opportunity and you're worried about my old nick-name. Didn't you ever have a nick name?"

Max stops stirring and looks curtly up at Caroline.

"Wait…don't answer that." Caroline says, knowing the answer would probably be obscene or unsettling.

Max goes back to stirring and Caroline finishes the job she was assigned.

"Anyways C-line is my alter ego. I bring her out when I'm putting my glam on you know? Working it and being fierce."

Max starts to put batter into the cupcake tins and looks at Caroline with a sneer on her face. "You just said fierce, glam and working it all together and right now I'm thinking about shoving my head inside of that oven instead of the cupcakes."

"Anyway! I'm off to the shower."

Caroline struts to the bathroom entrance and does a sensual pose on the frame of the door. "C-line is the reason why I landed on my feet, she's my power. Besides Max, you couldn't handle C-line anyway.

Max smiles cunningly and Caroline exits into the bathroom.

"Yeah well tell C-line to stop masturbating in the middle of the night, vibrations were coming from this living room that could have set off the Richter." She says lowly and laughs to herself.

"I heard that…" Caroline shouts from the other room.

Caroline and Max walk down the streets, cupcakes in arms when Caroline stops and checks the address.

"This has got to be it Max, she said it was a freedom party so I'm sure its low key."

Max readjusts the cupcakes in her arms. "What is she celebrating the freedom of her balls after years of tucking."

"No Max, she's liberating herself after years of being trapped in a relationship that was going nowhere."

"Are we going to have to throw one of those after this cupcake thing bombs."

Caroline sighs at Max being insufferable. She knocks on the door and get's no reply. After waiting a few seconds she swings the door open and is met by a huge surprise. The place is packed with people. Men in leather, women kissing, bubbles, disco balls and an army of drag queens. All seem to be having a blast and dancing to some unknown techno dance mix. Max nudges Caroline sharply.

"Low-key right? That guy is literally wearing that entire suit from American Horror Story!"

"It's not like we have to stay Max, we drop off the sweets and exit."

"Yeah like that's worked for us in the past."

Sharon spots the two girls and makes her way over.

"Ladies, ladies, ladies you made it and you got my cupcakes I'll take these off your hands and you two can go get your costumes."

"We would but we don't have costumes and we really weren't planning on staying."

Sharon pouts and takes the cupcakes from the girls.

"That's a shame there's a lot of people you can rub elbows with here and help your business. I mean I'll always put in a good word but nothing says 'do business with us' then doing the hustle!"

Sharon walks off with the cupcakes. Caroline bites her lower lip and looks pleadingly at Max. Max folds her arms across her chest.

"No way! There isn't enough booze in Sandra Lee's house to get me to do the hustle."

"Max, think of the business!"

Max groans loudly as Caroline seems to have won yet another argument. Sharon makes her way over and hands the girls the payment for the cupcakes.

"Good news Sharon we are going to stay for awhile and check out the party."

Max looks around the room and smirks. "Because nothing says liberation like male dancers on leashes."

"Surely you two don't plan to stay at my party dressed like that."

Max and Caroline look at their clothing and back at Sharon.

"Girls I can't have you in here like this…what is the costume college drop outs? Follow me I've got something you two would look great in."

The girls come back out and stand on the end of the stairwell in their new costumes. Max has her hair touched up slightly and is dressed in a full on Xena costume. Caroline of course has on the vintage Gabrielle costume complete with stomach showing.

"Why do you get to be Xena."

"Because you couldn't fit the breast plate." Max says, fluffing her boobs with both hands.

"Gabrielle was nothing more than a dreaming, following annoying blonde."

"And there is no way in hell you fit any of that criteria right?" Max says sarcastically and flexes her muscles in her Xena outfit. "You know what I think I may be able to get into this."

After many drinks and lots of disco somehow Caroline and Max come to in Max's bed covered in silly string and glitter.

"What the hell happened to us?" Max barks, holding her head from the hangover she is no doubt experiencing.

"I think we got kidnapped by alien drag queens and we escaped by channeling our inner heroine."

"Either that or we somehow got date raped at comic-con."

Both the girls wriggle from the covers and still wearing the costumes from the night before. They exit the room and head for living area. Caroline hops back into her bed with Max's laptop.

"Wait! Max there's pictures posted all over face book about the party."

"Listen I already have a huge hangover and you want to make me look at face book…hipsters and hangovers are a lethal combination."

Caroline laughs at Max's comments and beckons her over with her index finger.

"Come here silly I'm sure you want to see these."

Max walks reluctantly over and sits down beside Caroline. They both begin to browse the pictures from the party that have been posted online.

Photo 1 - Max and Caroline with the guy dressed in the 'America Horror story garb' are dancing on the dance floor.

Photo 2 - Caroline has on Sharon's wig while Max is laughing and Sharon is rubbing her bald head.

Photo 3 - Max doing the hustle.

Photo 4 - Caroline doing karaoke.

Photo 5 - Sharon doing a kegstand in an evening gown.

Photo 6 - Max with her arms wrapped around Caroline's waist. They are both smiling and Caroline has her hand bent back to touch Max's cheek.

Both look at the picture and Caroline quickly moves forward.

"Check out her wall, she says Max's cupcakes are the best in town go to them if you want to get baked!" Caroline browses for more comments and information. "And just at how many people have liked us on face book! We've already got some messages about our business…Max this is amazing!"

Caroline looks over at Max who is passed out sleep again, still in her Xena assemble. Caroline pulls the picture of them together back up and hits the like button on her face book. She closes the laptop and lays down in her bed. She looks a bit hesitant but rolls over into Max snuggling into the crook of her arm. Max cracks her eyes and shrugs softly before falling back to sleep.

Total – 965.00$


End file.
